Sunday Fun: Write Your Own Punchline

The Scene: The President and the Secretary of the Treasury have had it with the debt ceiling limit fight and have therefore ordered the minting of a one trillion dollar platinum coin. They meet at the deposit window, where an old clerk wearing a green eye shade and holding a ledger, waits expectantly.

President Obama: What are you waiting for Tim? Give him the damn coin!

Secretary Geithner (looking guilty): I, uh, wanted a Diet Mr. Pibb and I didn’t have any other coins…it was one of those machines that doesn’t give change. Don’t get mad; think of the stimulus!

or perhaps “Sorry, I’ve been meaning to get that hole in my pocket stitched, but I’ve been so busy with the federal budget and my yoga class and…”

Or…what? Over to all you RBCer’s with funny bones.

Author: Keith Humphreys

Keith Humphreys is the Esther Ting Memorial Professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University and an Honorary Professor of Psychiatry at Kings College London. His research, teaching and writing have focused on addictive disorders, self-help organizations (e.g., breast cancer support groups, Alcoholics Anonymous), evaluation research methods, and public policy related to health care, mental illness, veterans, drugs, crime and correctional systems. Professor Humphreys' over 300 scholarly articles, monographs and books have been cited over thirteen thousand times by scientific colleagues. He is a regular contributor to Washington Post and has also written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Monthly, San Francisco Chronicle, The Guardian (UK), The Telegraph (UK), Times Higher Education (UK), Crossbow (UK) and other media outlets.

22 thoughts on “Sunday Fun: Write Your Own Punchline”

  1. Uhh, Blankfein and I were drinking Mad Dog 20/20 and pitching pennies on the loading dock last night. Well, it was the only coin I had on me, and he won.

  2. Assuming the vending machine servicer was a family-owned or regional company (as most are), that would indeed work as an excellent stimulus – far more likely to get the economy moving than stuffing trillions down the maw of military hardware leeches.


  3. Geithner: Funny story actually. Did you ever do that stunt when you were a kid where you put a nickel on the train tracks and wait for a train to come by and flatten it? Well, long story short my son Adam will not be getting a new iPhone for his birthday!

  4. Or,

    “Tell me, Mr. President, which type of checking account would you like? I’d recommend our Platinum Business Account. Unlimited checks, a no-fee credit card with generous rewards, and no monthly charge as long as you maintain a minimum balance of $10,000, which I suppose won’t be a problem.”

  5. Ummm … Mr President, these deposit slips only have ten digits to the left of the decimal point. I’m not sure, but I think the way their system works, we’d gonna get a helluva haircut on our deposit.

    1. That would be funny were it not for the requirement that in order to be on a coin, one must be dead.

        1. Actually, that’s not true. It is only true with respect to some commemorative coins. It is also true with respect to commemorative coins honoring ex-presidents who must be dead for at least two years. I believe that, at one time, there was a general prohibition on living individuals beint on coins that extended for a while past their death. That provision was was waived in the ’60’s due to JFK’s assassination, hence his appearance on the fifty-cent piece.

  6. Mr. President, to save money we just did a platinum foil wrapper around chocolate. My wife had a craving for chocolate when I wasn’t around and…

  7. “One Coin to rule them all, One Coin to fund them, One Coin to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.”

  8. Man at hatch takes coin, looks at it quizzically, bites it, hold it up to light, then looks at the two men suspiciously …

    “Do you have ID?

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