RBC Simile Contest! Paul Ryan Edition

As I noted below, Paul Ryan’s proposed budget for next year will adopt the policy of ending Medicare.  Of course, we should expect the right wing’s talking points to say that it’s not ending Medicare — it’s just “reforming” it, or “transforming” it, or “modernizing” it etc. etc.

This led commenter “Calling All Toasters” to suggest that

This plan doesn’t end Medicare in the same way that being cut up into steaks doesn’t end the cow.

The literary possibilities are enormous here.  A couple of years ago, after Dick Cheney said that he didn’t question Nancy Pelosi’s patriotism but rather her judgment, I invited readers to finish this line: “Dick Cheney questioning someone else’s judgment is like __________.”  The consensus winner was “Jeffrey Dahmer criticizing a restaurant menu.”

So we can now try another pattern.  Finish this sentence:

Paul Ryan’s budget plan reforms Medicare in the same way that _________________

Have at it.

UPDATE: Reader Mark Kleiman points out that this form is that of a simile, not a metaphor.  I have updated.

Author: Jonathan Zasloff

Jonathan Zasloff teaches Torts, Land Use, Environmental Law, Comparative Urban Planning Law, Legal History, and Public Policy Clinic - Land Use, the Environment and Local Government. He grew up and still lives in the San Fernando Valley, about which he remains immensely proud (to the mystification of his friends and colleagues). After graduating from Yale Law School, and while clerking for a federal appeals court judge in Boston, he decided to return to Los Angeles shortly after the January 1994 Northridge earthquake, reasoning that he would gladly risk tremors in order to avoid the average New England wind chill temperature of negative 55 degrees. Professor Zasloff has a keen interest in world politics; he holds a PhD in the history of American foreign policy from Harvard and an M.Phil. in International Relations from Cambridge University. Much of his recent work concerns the influence of lawyers and legalism in US external relations, and has published articles on these subjects in the New York University Law Review and the Yale Law Journal. More generally, his recent interests focus on the response of public institutions to social problems, and the role of ideology in framing policy responses. Professor Zasloff has long been active in state and local politics and policy. He recently co-authored an article discussing the relationship of Proposition 13 (California's landmark tax limitation initiative) and school finance reform, and served for several years as a senior policy advisor to the Speaker of California Assembly. His practice background reflects these interests: for two years, he represented welfare recipients attempting to obtain child care benefits and microbusinesses in low income areas. He then practiced for two more years at one of Los Angeles' leading public interest environmental and land use firms, challenging poorly planned development and working to expand the network of the city's urban park system. He currently serves as a member of the boards of the Santa Monica Mountains Conservancy (a state agency charged with purchasing and protecting open space), the Los Angeles Center for Law and Justice (the leading legal service firm for low-income clients in east Los Angeles), and Friends of Israel's Environment. Professor Zasloff's other major activity consists in explaining the Triangle Offense to his very patient wife, Kathy.

29 thoughts on “RBC Simile Contest! Paul Ryan Edition”

  1. Criminal prosecution reformed Arthur Andersen.
    The Declaration of Independence reformed the 13 colonies.

  2. Arbeit Macht Frei.
    (claiming a technical exemption from Godwin’s Law)

  3. … Arizona’s Transplant Review Committee saves patients’ lives.

    … a vegan eats meat.

    … repealing Glass-Steagal improved financial regulation.

  4. Let’s get historical!

    . . . Cibber reformed Shakespeare. [Bonus for obscurity?]

    . . . the Huns reformed the Roman Empire.

    . . . the Romans reformed Carthage.

    . . . the First Crusade reformed Byzantium.

    . . . the Vikings reformed Lindesfarne.

  5. …my shredder reforms my bank statements.
    …the Boxers brought urban renewal to the Peking legations.
    …the Black Death “right-sized” Europe’s population.

  6. Ano’s contribution is outstanding, but may I suggest a minor edit?

    a club reforms a *baby* seal.

  7. @Ano’s first comment, “…Hitler references win conversations.”

    But to keep the verb concordant, let’s go with “…Ayn Rand reforms Aristotle.”

  8. It occurs to me that Ryan’s proposal, if enacted, would also reform the insurance industry. Because for the seniors who are unable to cover the excess costs of their health care from their own resources, the best financial course would be not to use the vouchers to pay for real health insurance but for something else. And then rely on charity care and rules against hospitals turning patients away for actual care. It would be like the S%L looting process, only at a micro level.

  9. . . . gangrene reforms flesh
    . . . Ayn Rand reforms dramatic storytelling
    . . . the Wilpon brothers reform the Mets
    . . . Fukushima reforms sea water
    . . . David Vitter reforms diapers
    . . . cocaine reforms Charlie Sheen

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