Entries from the Republican-English Dictionary

An aid to cross-cultural communication.

In case you’ve been having trouble recently in deciphering speeches and news reports, fragments of the Winglish-English Dictionary now being compiled:

*alternative energy sources/ n./* New locations to drill for gas and oil.

*bankruptcy/ n./* A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

*bipartisan/ adj./* Involving Democrats but favorable to Republicans. (Cp. “nonpartisan,” “bipartisan.”)

*burning bush/ n. phr./* A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

*Cheney, Dick/ n./* The greater of two evils.

*Christian /n./* Fundamentalist

*class warfare/ n./* Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

*climate change/ n./* Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

*compassionate conservatism/ n./* Poignant concern for the very wealthy

*creation science/ n./* Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental

*DeLay, Tom/ n./* Past tense of De Lie

*disloyal/ adj./* Unfavorable to Republicans.

*extraordinary rendition/ n./* Outsourcing torture

*faith/ n./* The belief that the Beatitudes include “Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the warmakers.”

*free markets/ n./* Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense

*girly-men/ n./* Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women

*God/ n./* Senior presidential adviser

*growth/ n./*

1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.

2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

*healthy forest/ n./* No tree left behind

*honesty/ n./* Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., “Freedom is on the march.”

*House of Representatives/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to

$5 million (See Senate)

*in the national interest /adj. phr./*

1. Conducive to the election of Republicans.

2. Beneficial to Republican contributors.

*laziness/ n./* When the poor are not working

*leisure time/ n./* When the wealthy are not working

*liberal(s)/ n./* Followers of the Antichrist

*No Child Left Behind/ riff/.*

1. There are always jobs in the military

2. The rapture

*nonpartisan/ adj./* Favorable to Republicans. (See also “partisan,” “bipartisan.”)

*ownership society/ n. phr./*

1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth

2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners

*partisan/ adj./* Unfavorable to Republicans. (Cp. “nonpartisan,” “bipartisan.”) Syn.: “disloyal.”

*Patriot /n./* Bush supporter.

*Patriot Act/ n./*

1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first

2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us

*pro-life/ adj./* Valuing human life up until birth

*Roe v. Wade/ idiom/* Your options for escaping a flooded city if you’re poor and FEMA is in charge.

*Real American /n./* See Patriot.

*Religion /n./* Christianity

*Senate/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million

*simplify/ vt./* To reduce, especially to cut the taxes of Republican donors

*staying the course/ gerund phrase/* Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results. (See: insanity.)

*stuff happens/idiom/* I don’t have to live in Baghdad.

*treason/n./* Criticism of George W. Bush

*voter fraud/ n. phr./* A significant minority turnout

*woman/ n./*

1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.

2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn’t want to have sex in the first place

Updated to include some suggestions by Winston Smith at Philosoraptor and his commenters. If you have additional entries to suggest, please send them in. Following Philosoraptor, this is now officially the Winglish-English Dictionary, Winglish of course being the language of the wingnuts currently running this country.

Author: Mark Kleiman

Professor of Public Policy at the NYU Marron Institute for Urban Management and editor of the Journal of Drug Policy Analysis. Teaches about the methods of policy analysis about drug abuse control and crime control policy, working out the implications of two principles: that swift and certain sanctions don't have to be severe to be effective, and that well-designed threats usually don't have to be carried out. Books: Drugs and Drug Policy: What Everyone Needs to Know (with Jonathan Caulkins and Angela Hawken) When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment (Princeton, 2009; named one of the "books of the year" by The Economist Against Excess: Drug Policy for Results (Basic, 1993) Marijuana: Costs of Abuse, Costs of Control (Greenwood, 1989) UCLA Homepage Curriculum Vitae Contact: Markarkleiman-at-gmail.com