English-Winglish Dictionary (updated)

Do you speak banana Republican?

To make sense contemporary political speeches and punditry, it has become necessary to understand Winglish, the language spoken by the wing-nuts now running the country and by their journalistic supporters. For some time now, a cooperative process has been producing a Winglish-English Dictionary. Below is the current compilation. Contributions and illustrations solicited.

alternative energy sources /n. phr./ 1. New locations to drill for gas and oil. 2. Coal mines.

bankruptcy /n./ A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

bipartisan /n./ Favorable to Republicans, but involving Democrats. (See also “partisan,” “nonpartisan.”)

burning bush The President of the United States after being asked an un-planted question.

Bush Derangement Syndrome /n. phr./ Psyciatric condition produced by accurate perception of Bush Adminstration policies and their results. (See also “shrill.”)

Cheney, Dick /n./ The greater of two evils.

Christian /n., adj./ Fundamentalist.

class warfare /n. phr./ Any attempt by the poor, the middle class, or even the well-off to resist the depredations of the very rich. (Ex.: Progressive taxation, unionization, consumer protection, the minimum wage.)

Clear Skies /idiomatic phr./ More air pollution.

climate change /n. phr./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

compassionate conservatism /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

conspiracy theorist /n. phr./ Someone with a mind so sick and so twisted as to be capable of believing the truth about the Bush Administration and the Republican leadership in Congress.

creation science /n./ Belief that George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

DeLay /n./ Past tense of De Lie.

disloyal /adj./ Unfavorable to Republicans. (See also “treason.”)

extraordinary rendition /n./ Outsourcing torture.

faith /n./ The belief that the Beatitudes include “Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the warmakers.”

free markets /n./ Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

girly-men /n./ Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

God /n./ Senior presidential adviser.

growth /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition #1.

healthy forest /idiomatic phr./ “No tree left behind.”

honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., “Freedom is on the march.”).

House of Representatives /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).

in the national interest /idiomatic. phr./ 1. Conducive to the election of Republicans. 2. Beneficial to Republican contributors.

Judaeo-Christian /idiomatic phr../ “In case there are any Jews listening …” (See “Serbo-Croatian.”)

laziness /n./ When the poor are not working.

leisure time /n./ When the wealthy are not working.

liberal(s) /n./ Follower(s) of the Antichrist.

Newspeak Dictionary /book title/ A good first draft.

Nine-eleven (9-11) Emergency number to call when your poll numbers have fallen and you can’t get up.

Nineteen Eighty-Four /book title/ Official operations manual for patriots (Q.v.).

No Child Left Behind A Federal law enacting the statistical wisdom of Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average.

nonpartisan /adj./ Favorable to Republicans. (See also “bipartisan,” “nonpartisan.”)

ownership society /n./ 1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth. 2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.

partisan /adj. / Potentially damaging to Republicans. Ant.: “bipartisan,” “nonpartisan” (q.v.)

patriot /n./ 1. A person who salutes the flag and despises the Constitution.

Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

patriotism 1. Monarchism. 2. The first refuge of a scoundrel. (See “religion.”)

privatization /subs./ Corruption.

pro-life /adj./ Placing an infinite value on each human life from conception all the way to birth.

policy options /n. phr./ The set of possible governmental responses to a situation: cutting taxes on the rich, subsidizing big corporations, and going to war.

real American /n. phr./ 1. White fundamentalist. 2. Inhabitant of a red state. 3. Monarchist. (See also “patriot.”)

religion /n./ 1. Christianity (See also Christian, Judaeo-Christian.) 2. The last refuge of a scoundrel. (See Colson, Charles and Abramoff, Jack.)

religious freedom /n. phr./ Our freedom to impose our religion on heathens, idolators, infidels, and atheists.

Republican /n. or adj./ Monarchist. (Syn: “patriot.”)

Roe v. Wade Your options for escaping a flooded city if you’re poor and Heckuva Job Brownie is running FEMA.

Senate /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million.

shrill /adj./ (in reference to criticism of the Bush Administration) Accurate. (See also “Bush Derangement Syndrome.”)

simplify the tax code /idiomatic phr./ Cut the taxes of Republican donors.

sound science /n. phr./ Whatever sounds like science and is favorable to Republicans.

staying the course /gerund phr./ Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (Syn: “insanity”).

stuff happens /idiomatic phr./ I don’t have to live in Baghdad.

Torture /n./ Infliction of intolerable pain on someone we don’t hate.

treason /n./ Criticism of George W. Bush.

unpatriotic /adj./ 1. Consistent with the Constitution. 2. Unfavorable to Republicans. (Ant: “patriotic.” Syn.: “partisan.”)

voter fraud /n. phr./ Significant minority turnout.

welfare /n./ Laziness-inducing and budget-busting government handouts to the non-wealthy.

woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child in the first place. 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn’t want to have sex in the first place.

Author: Mark Kleiman

Professor of Public Policy at the NYU Marron Institute for Urban Management and editor of the Journal of Drug Policy Analysis. Teaches about the methods of policy analysis about drug abuse control and crime control policy, working out the implications of two principles: that swift and certain sanctions don't have to be severe to be effective, and that well-designed threats usually don't have to be carried out. Books: Drugs and Drug Policy: What Everyone Needs to Know (with Jonathan Caulkins and Angela Hawken) When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment (Princeton, 2009; named one of the "books of the year" by The Economist Against Excess: Drug Policy for Results (Basic, 1993) Marijuana: Costs of Abuse, Costs of Control (Greenwood, 1989) UCLA Homepage Curriculum Vitae Contact: Markarkleiman-at-gmail.com

45 thoughts on “English-Winglish Dictionary (updated)”

  1. "Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us."
    I liked this one.
    Overall, bravo! Nicely done.

  2. real American, definition 2: huh? too subtle for me, I guess.
    [Should have been "red state." Thanks for noticing. Fixed now. MK]

  3. Too true to be anything but ridiculous:
    woman /n./ 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.

  4. Significant minority turnout / n. phr./ large numbers illegal aliens.
    Democrat /n. or adj./ political party whose primary policy includes redistribution of wealth as long as rich democrats are exempt.
    (Syn: "Liberal")
    Liberal /n. or adj./ the ideological opposite of Conservative, but equally Monarchist. (Syn: "Socialist")

  5. Estate tax /n./ A redistributionist scheme against those with enormous unearned income.
    Double taxation: /n./ A tax on dividends to punish the most meritorious 2% of the population which own 50% of common stock. So-called because there's a chance that the corporation paid a small tax on said funds previously. This is in contrast to, say, the sales tax.

  6. This one is going on the office door at my university. I'm an English teacher, after all, with an interest in seeing that my students are sensitive to the nuances of language.

  7. What about:
    White House Press Corps /n/ 1. Empty shells with Journalism degrees. 2. Lapdogs that are favorable to the Republicans.
    Or
    Mass Media /n/ 1. Channel to convince Patriots that they shouldn't beleive in the constitution and that they are morally/ethically corrupt. (See also Douchebags)

  8. political correctness: Social pressure that disallows calling a N* a N*.
    politcally incorrect: Actions or words prohibited in liberal propoganda. Often used to emphasize that only a far-left liberal would object to a claim, e.g., "I know this is not the politically correct view, but we need to stop illegal immigation to keep America a white nation."

  9. Democracy/n./ A western (American) style capatalist oligarchy (see "Freedom").
    Freedom/n./ 1. The state of society in a 'free-market' oligarchy. 2. Social regulation by consensus of the rich and powerful.

  10. Troll /n/ Commenter on blog who defends the indefensible by ignoring the truth and repeating the talking points issued by his or her master.
    Neoconservative /pr. n./ Economic imperialist who sincerely believes in his own ideological altruism and selflessness at least until lunch.

  11. MrWonderful,
    I like your Troll contri, please forgive my editing…
    Kool-Aid Drinker /n/ Commenter on blog who defends the indefensible by ignoring the truth and repeating the talking points issued by his or her master. (See also: "Conservative," "Liberal," "Rev Jim Jones")

  12. flat tax – a tax of 21% on Burger King wages, 7% on millionaire war profits, and nothing on billion-dollar inheritances
    support our troops – to defend an unwavering policy of sending men by a back door draft to work 20 hours a day in Iraq getting shot at in unarmored vehicles while making wages a tenth of those of Halliburton employees
    news – a government press release or an unconfirmable "leak" by a government official.
    comedian – anyone with a clear, sensible message about the issues of the day. Distinguished from politicians, who play with words and present jokes as public policy

  13. burning bush.n.whenever the Prez gets criticized
    slime. n.only found in Rove "talking points" in 21st century

  14. Given that this is a "Liberal" set of definitions, I suggest it might be interesting to have an equivalent "Conservative" set, e.g. What Conservatives think the Liberals are saying… Noted by "(l)"
    I'll start it:
    . (l) alternative energy sources — a NAMBY, non economical, expensive, feel good, marginal source.
    . (l) Free markets — A "Rob the Poor" program
    . (l) liberal(s) — Tax-Raising, Latte-Drinking, Sushi-Eating, Volvo-Driving, New York Times-Reading, Body-Piercing, Hollywood-Loving, Left-Wing Freak Show
    (l) Roe v. Wade — Free love(sex)

  15. death tax /n/ tax on enormoys amounts of income income "earned" by having someone die
    hard-working middle class families /n/ (1) one of 8,000 households worth several million or more, when subject to death tax
    surrendering /v/ the act of suggesting that maybe continuing to lose the war on terror isn't the best way to win it
    Iraq /n/ reason 9/11 happened
    last throes /pl. n/ ongoing process
    elitists /pl. n/ people who want to increase the minimum wage

  16. Undocumented Worker /n./ Democrat name for a person entering and residing in the United States without authorization and in violation of existing Federal Law, bankrupting Hospitals and Public Schools at Taxpayer expense, and is receiving government entitlements that most Americans are unable to receive, exploited by greedy employers for substandard wages. (See also: “illegal alien“, “invasion”, “corporatist“)
    Illegal Alien /n./ Republican name for a person entering and residing in the United States without authorization and in violation of existing Federal Law, bankrupting Hospitals and Public Schools at Taxpayer expense, and is receiving government entitlements that most Americans are unable to receive, exploited by Democratic Party to swing elections by granting Amnesty. (See also: “undocumented worker”, “invasion”, “socialist“)

  17. terrorist- 3) a person so insane with hate that he actually takes arms against American soldiers just because they are shooting up his country.

  18. character /n./ – degree of loyalty to the Republican party. _N.B._ There exists a mistaken notion that this word signifies some kind of personal piety or sense of justice. However, a few examples will disprove this notion: Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Paul Wolfowitz, and arguably George Bush himself, all avoided military service for various trifling reasons; yet they each have sufficient character to be wartime leaders and experts. Whereas John Kerry, John Murtha and Max Cleland do not. When Bill Clinton cheats on his wife, it betrays his lack of character; when Newt Gingrich does the same, it does not impugn his character. Joe Lieberman is the only Democrat with character.

  19. moral values /n./ – Abortion and gay rights.
    values voter /n./ – An individual who votes against his or her personal interests for the sole reason of spiting someone else.
    personhood /adj./ – A nebulous quality which exists in everyone in utero, but only a few people after birth.
    character assassination /v./ – The act of telling the truth about the beliefs or personal lives of prominent politicians, particularly when this would reveal hypocricy on that individual's part. (Compare "disloyal")
    compassion fatigue – see "sociopathy"
    socialism /n./ – Any social policy that benefits the poor without equally benefitting the wealthy. Antonym: free markets
    emasculate /v./ – The act of promoting a women to a position of power or authority over men.
    identity politics /adv./ – Describes a political lobbying group with common interests, in which the members have a median income of less than $200,000/year. (Compare "feminist", "Gay agenda")

  20. Minor edit – "simplify the tax code /idiomatic phr./ Cut the taxes of WEALTHY Republican donors."
    Need to add "WEALTHY" as most of the r's I know don't benefit from those tax "cuts" (deferments) but otherwise looks like a keeper! Thanx!

  21. "Death tax" – an alternative name to "estate tax", designed to highlight the moral imperative to ease the extra pain corpses suffer when taxed as opposed to, say, salary and wage earners.
    "Defense" – going over to other people's countries and bombing the shit out of them on the grounds that they don't seem to like us much. The reason why "defense" now seems to lead to even more "defense" later is an eternal mystery.
    "Democracy, American" – one dollar, one vote (discounts available for bulk purchase).
    "Democracy, spreading" – one American GI, one vote. The principle that other people deserve the freedom to choose their own sovereign leaders who will do what we tell them.
    "Socialism" – the failed and discredited principle that it should be possible for people to choose their own sovereign leaders who don't do what we tell them. See Hugo Chavez.
    "Axis of Evil" – a country with a repugnant regime which doesn't have American bases on it. Under no circumstances mention Uzbekistan.
    "Hugo Chavez" – an example of someone too Socialist to be assigned to the Axis of Evil without people laughing at us, much as we may want to.

  22. Socialism /n./ 1. An ignorant and unsustainable economic ideology which eliminates the middle-class, always fails, and results in Communism. 2. A two-class society which discourages people from succeeding because they would just be taxed their ass off and have their income redistributed to the losers of society who consider it easier stay on the dole.

  23. Ah, NKA – you have heard the fnords singing, each to each, and, by God, they sing for you.

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