Advice for the Beloved Leader

Bill Maher suggets that GWB do what he does best: in the face of adversity, quit.

The text below is making the rounds, attributed to Bill Maher. I can’t vouch for the attribution, but I endorse the sentiments.

Mr. President, this job can’t be fun for you any more. There’s no more money to spend–you used up all of that.

You can’t start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.

Listen to your Mom. The cupboard’s bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one’s speaking to you. Mission accomplished.

Now it’s time to do what you’ve always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It’s time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?

Now I know what you’re saying: there’s so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don’t.

I know, I know. There’s a lot left to do. There’s a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives.

You’ve performed so poorly I’m surprised that you haven’t given yourself a medal.

You’re a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a crappy president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we’ve lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you’re just not lucky.

I’m not saying you don’t love this country. I’m just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What He’s saying is:

“Take a hint.”

Update: Yep, it’s Maher. Video here.

Author: Mark Kleiman

Professor of Public Policy at the NYU Marron Institute for Urban Management and editor of the Journal of Drug Policy Analysis. Teaches about the methods of policy analysis about drug abuse control and crime control policy, working out the implications of two principles: that swift and certain sanctions don't have to be severe to be effective, and that well-designed threats usually don't have to be carried out. Books: Drugs and Drug Policy: What Everyone Needs to Know (with Jonathan Caulkins and Angela Hawken) When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment (Princeton, 2009; named one of the "books of the year" by The Economist Against Excess: Drug Policy for Results (Basic, 1993) Marijuana: Costs of Abuse, Costs of Control (Greenwood, 1989) UCLA Homepage Curriculum Vitae Contact: Markarkleiman-at-gmail.com