Primitive tribes used to sacrifice people to trees and whatnot, but now the California hotbed of creativity, where the sacrifice of oak trees to football began, has inspired imitation in Virginia. Seen one tree, you’ve seen ’em all, but a national championship is a joy
forever until the next bunch of yahoo boosters ponies up to buy one.
When the Hokies figure out what a great homecoming game bonfire those trees will make, and how many genuine Virginia Tech old growth gearshift knobs, plaques, and coasters they can be cut up and sold as (we wasted ours), the issue will be settled. No wide receiver ever chose a school because it was Tree Campus USA, but genuine Hokie toothpicks and skewers can ennoble generations of tailgating: there’s some real academic value.
If they are made into barrels for aging whiskey, come to think of it, or burned to fuel a distillery, surely those trees will have fulfilled their proudest destiny in college sports.