This is a job for… Captain Kirk!

Newt Gingrich’s spox has an epic meltdown about his boss stumbling out of the gate:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Is there any doubt about who should recite this on Letterman this evening?  Any at all?

Oh please oh please oh please oh please….


  1. koreyel says

    Greatest. Spox purple prose. Ever.

    And the bongos should dance a lurid staccato after this: …unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim…

  2. Anomalous says

    Star Treck is where Newt belongs. Can’t you just see him in a toga wearing some gawdey jeweled amulet playing one of those arogent quibbling and misguided dignitareys on some small planet doomed to destruction by their blind adhearance to an out-dated philosophy that only James T. Kirk can persuade to the path of wisdom.

  3. Dan Staley says

    Can’t you just see [ Newt]in a toga…blind adhearance to an out-dated philosophy that only James T. Kirk can persuade to the path of wisdom.


  4. David Z says

    That’s a magnificent, inspired idea.

    On the other end of the spectrum, I would have loved to see the late Foster Brooks recite this ode. You may remember him as the guy who imitated a drunk better than almost anyone in history. And in any case, I have a sneaking hunch that Mr. Tyler may indeed have been drunk when he donated his views – if he talks like that when sober, Newt may be in bigger trouble even than we thought.

  5. Blake says

    Heh – it would appear Stephen Colbert might be a member of the RBC. He had John Lithgow on to do exactly this tonight.