Football is a big, profitable sideline for my company, and lots of its competitors, and an even bigger business at the professional level. But this is not why we need football. We need football because it is in every way a moral beacon, demonstrating how a big team of managers, coaches, sponsors, agents, back-office drones, and the union that represents our noble gladiators can work together in one-for-all, all-for-one unity. The brave young men who bash each other up for us on fall Sundays know they are embraced in unbreakable solidarity, cared for and protected until the very day they stop being of any financial interest. No sir, these boys don’t go on the trash heap until someone better comes along, you betcha: that’s teamwork, and that’s business, and that’s why America is the best country and football is the best sport.
It’s an inspiration to us all, how this institution takes care of its own…and if the military could take a lesson from this great American sport, there would be tax cuts in it for all of us. If brain-injured football players are on their own, what kind of selfish jerks are these busted-up veterans, expecting to be coddled when they can’t march or shoot?